A New Chapter of Natalie, WHAT?

Good day fans and nonfans alike! Here to my right, I've included a lovely picture of Janet I drew. This is a prototype character sketch, it hasn't been cleaned up or anything. But I wanted to put something from 'Natalie' up. Today, I thought I'd talk a little about Janet. She's physically based off a good friend of mine, who's always been a very heavy influence on me and I really wanted a character like that in 'Natalie,' someone who was like a mother, but not actually one.

SPOILERS for Chapter 16 (just posted!)
In this chapter, Janet and Natalie have a fight. Janet is always very concerned for Natalie's safety and health and happiness, but she's also very timid when it comes to vocally expressing it. This is mostly because Aidan is usually the one to comfort Natalie and he is capable of doing it without even speaking. Janet is never sure what to say to her niece, so she frequently opts out of the parenting role and slips into more of a friendly role. And Natalie acts so grown up, that she doesn't need much parenting.

END SPOILERS.

Janet is one of my favorite characters and I love to write scenes including her. Part of this is that she's based of my friend, as I mentioned before. And I see her as she is in the picture above; she has this very simple, but classy fashion. She's very tall and very skinny. This is in contrast to her sister, Sara, who is shorter and more voluptuous (this writer had to use spell check for that one). In fact, Janet and Joshua represent a lot to me in their very awkward family life. It's supposed to be a comfort zone for her, but still challenge her to grow and not just rest on who she is.

As for my life, I'm back at school and writing as much as possible. I got some great writing mags for Christmas. I'm reading the end of the Winds of War by Herman Wouk. I have a new printer (hence the scanned picture of Janet), which I have lovingly named Andrew. He's a lexmark and brothers with my roommate's printer (also a lexmark). I start classes tomorrow and I'm uber excited for the challenge! My tunes are Tegan and Sara's The Con (especially "Are you Ten Years Ago"<--love it!~). I'm hoping to keep the writing up so I'm putting a chapter of 'Natalie' up once a week. This is a rather ambitious hope for me, but I hope it nonetheless. Soon to come will be more sessions with Michael Ashby, conversations with Amy, and more of Sara and Jacob (if you're wondering who Jacob is, you need to read the latest chapter). And I hope to be writing more here as well!

Hope you guys all had a good Christmas and New Years (or whatever you celebrate)!

Lizzie Arlen

A Quick Update

Hey my fictional fans!
Okay, I know its been forever since I've updated 'Natalie,' which is sad...I've been very busy with college lately and a lot of personal and financial stress-ers. I am working on the next chapter of 'Natalie,' but it's going a little slower than I had originally hoped it would, because I'm at a place where I could take it several places and I'm trying to decide which one is the best for the flow of the story and for Natalie.
On another note, it's hugely early, but my roommie and I have started to put Christmas decorations up. Now, normally, I'm a stickler on Christmas; "Celebrate one holiday at a time, let's finish Thanksgiving before we start Christmas." But with so much stress on my mind, and some of Ashley's added insistence, I've been feeling the need for something cheery, and the lights and the Christmas music are really helping to lighten my mood. So, I've given in for the sake of sanity, I suppose. We strung up the lights and the wreath today and the room looks really beautiful! Basically, the entire room is lit up; we don't need regular lights even at 7:32 at night when its pitch black outside.
My low mood is basically due to a horrifying experience I had with a psychiatrist this last Thursday. I've never felt more invaded in my entire life. She did her best to pry her way into my mind, told me about six different disorders I could have and then recommended a medication that will aggrivate one of the possible disorders should I have it, making me irritable, anxious and more depressed. So, I've had that day heavily on my mind and I just can't wait until session on Tuesday to talk to my guy about it. It was really the most uncomfortable I've ever felt and I found myself thinking, "If I just hit my head against this table here...will this moment go away?" I wanted to run out of that room. I even came close to crying, which I do not do in front of people. But I know my therapist will be rather understanding. For 'Natalie' readers, I think I've said it before, but Michael Ashby is based off him. In fact, before I started seeing this therapist, Ashby was not in the game plan in that story.
I've also been doing some work on 'Razor Freak,' though its extremely slow going. I'm trying to get some material ready for when I finish 'Natalie,' which, I know I say it all the time, really is beginning to wrap up, though we still have a lot to get to. I just want to have a lot of things to work on for fictionpress.com.
Well, that's all for now, I have a piano concert to attend tonight. I hope everyone's doing well and staying healthy.
Lizzie Arlen

A Rough Week

So, homecoming was awesome. No details needed.
This week is going to be a little hard for me, because I don't have therapy this week, my guy is booked solid. But I have the next three weeks after that scheduled and that gives me some hope! I don't completely know how I'll make it, but I'm trying to stay optimistic.
Plus, he's asked me to think about pills. As in anti-depressants. I find this somewhat ironic that as I'm writing about this girl's battle with anxiety medication addiction and I'm being asked to think about going on pills myself. I actually just put that together and I'm totally smiling at how strange that is.
One of my pastors and I have been fighting off and on for a week about whether or not I'm going to hell for my self-injurious habits. And my mother is so un-supportive its not even funny. I understand where she's coming from in that I'm her only daughter and I will always be her only daughter and it kills her inside to see me hurt myself. But its hard for me to make it through life without doing that right now, which she can't understand. I haven't told her I'm back in therapy, because for some reason, that freaks her out. Like some sort of confirmation that I'm crazy. Whatever.
In happy news...I have over 1,000 hits on 'Natalie'! 1,000! That is just such an incredible number, my heart just soars, as cliche as that is! In celebration, I'm putting up one chapter of 'Razor Freak,' the project I've been working on for a long time that I haven't shared with anyone yet. I doubt it will be at all popular, let alone as popular as 'Natalie,' but I'm hoping, just maybe, some of 'Natalie's' fans will see I've uploaded something new and take a look at it. I'm really excited about putting some of it up. It's much closer to being my story (and still, none of it actually happened to me) because I use my direct experiences with self-injury and the feelings I have to mold the imagery. It's really hard for me to do because I find remembering it and writing it mildly triggering and I've promised myself not to cut on a trigger that my writing has caused. It's weird, but its me.
I'm doing some beta reading on my other account that has all the stories I'm embarrassed about, but its my past and I didn't want to just take them down. Its a great story about the quest for the Holy Grail and as soon as I'm finished with this blog, I'm going to finish up chapters 9 and 10.
School is rough. Homework is easy, but the classes are killing me with the amount of easy homework; its just taking too damn long! And because of this I keep having to put my writing off.
I am however excited; my boys are coming over on Thursday to see me and hang for a few hours. I don't have a fucking clue what we'll do, but it oughta be fun!
That's all I really have time for! Hopefully next time, I'll have more of 'Natalie' worked out and I can talk about that and 'Razor Freak' and something. I don't know.
Lizzie Arlen

So, I'm going to homecoming tonight. It's a very interesting situation for me. Let me explain. My best friend, Daniel is going with my roommate, Ashley (And Dani is gay). My friend Julia is setting me up with her friend Chris (who I've never met or seen) and a bunch of my other friends are going. I'm getting more and more excited for this, being as its at the Tacoma Art Museum and all the exhibits are going to be open! I love art, I love paintings! So I'm super excited and I'm hoping that Chris is a nice guy and will go see all the art with me. I really don't want to ditch him because he's a jackass or a douche, so I'm hoping it goes well.
I'm going all out, doing my hair and my make up (more than I usually do) and I'm really trying to impress this guy. I doubt it would turn out to be anything, because I'm not really looking for a relationship with anyone other than this one guy I like. I sort of have my sights set on this guy and I don't want to be in a relationship in case he ever gets up the nerve to ask me out.
In other news, 'Natalie' is coming along well, I think. I'm finally getting back on track and I'm able to write her again, which is great! I've been having sporadic bouts of Writer's Block which is highly annoying. But I think this week I'll be really using 'Natalie' to outlet some of my stress, because I don't have therapy this week, I have to wait a week, which is going to be really hard for me, I live my weeks for therapy. But I have the next three weeks after that scheduled so I don't get messed up with that again.
I feel that I'm starting to open up in session and I'm starting to put some trust in my guy. It's very hard for me to share and to hear some of the things he tells me, but I know that it's helping me learn and grow and that's very important for me right now. So I'm feeling much better about life!
The encouragement I'm getting on my writing on fictionpress and from friends is really helping my confidence. I'm hoping to get 'Natalie' finished at the latest by early February; and that's just my first draft. Then I'll be doing a quick full edit and sending that out to several friends. I want to get a lot of different opinions on this because I hope I might publish it someday. So, I'm thinking I'll send it to my best friend Schyuler, my best friend Dani, Barry, Melissa (if she'll read my depressing story), and others. I'm very interested in how very different people will percieve this story and they changes they would like to see made. so, I'm very excited for that.
Then my work for 'Voices' begins. I want to rework the first chapter (even though that is very reworked from the original). I think it'll be much longer than 'Natalie' and may have companion books. The way I'd originally thought to do it was to have the original and then having, literally, 30 plus companion books and do a huge series. Except I don't think they'd be that popular; its the kind of thing only a handful of people would be interested in. And really, I do background stories, because I find that kind of stuff really interesting. Not that anyone else cares. But I have some great ideas for 'Voices' and I'm totally stoked to work on it again. It was my first true novel. I wrote it in my sophomore year of highschool; twenty handwritten pages in about two days. There are a lot of things I have to fix and change just because I wrote it so long ago.
So, it's about 5:00pm and Dani should be getting here any moment, I'm really excited for him to get here so we can have someone totally awesome to talk to while we get ready. Ashely's already halfway there, she's got her make up on (for that matter, so do I, though I need to touch it up).

Got to go!
Lizzie Arlen

Three or More...

Hey guys,
So, Chapter 14 of Natalie was just put up yesterday. I've gotten another review from Studentofwords who's eternal phrase is, "Update soon!" Studentofwords, I know you can write! I know you have thoughts! I've read your journal/story on fictionpress (I wrote frictionpress the first time, haha!)! I swear, we'll let you say more than two words! Not that I don't appreciate your input. You obviously like it, or you wouldn't ask for more. Thank you, thank you, thank you! But I would love to know what you think! I believe your thoughts are important! I believe everyone's thoughts are important! Come on guys! We do this to give encouragement and ideas and comments. So let's see 'em!
Anyway. I have to keep addressing this, I know I keep saying that I'm gonna finish 'Natalie' soon. I lied, I'm a big fat liar. Things are coming up, and coming to mind that I never thought would. I'm definately past the point where I know what's coming next. I think only in terms of what the next sentence is and I know the end. So, at this point, its more of how do I get to the end? I'm in no rush. Someone did ask me what my big hurry is. I'm not in a hurry to finish 'Natalie.' I'm taking my time. I'm more excited that I'm past the half-way point and I'm wrapping it up. And I'm excited to edit the full product. This is the first novel I've done that isn't completely handwriten first. I have written 'Natalie' fully on the computer, which I have to say makes me really nervous in case my computer crashes. But it hasn't and I pray it doesn't.
I left chapter fourteen in a cliffhanger, which is something I try to avoid. But I wanted to get this set up properly for what's coming next. There won't be any spoilers here, but Chapter fifteen is gonna be a big event chapter. Some tough shit is gonna go down.
I really am wrapping up 'Natalie.' No really, I swear I am. I really am in the last half and things are gonna start wrapping up. Then all my focus goes to Voices.

Okay, personal notes. Life is good, but it sucks. Does that make sense? Well, I'm cutting and depressed and et cetera. But I'm in therapy for it. I've found a great therapist, he's an awesome dude and I feel great after I see him.

Thats it for now!
Lizzie Arlen

Back to School

So, here I am back at college. Round two. It's me versus my depression and this time I vow to win. I went to see my wonderful counselor today for the first time since the school year started. For all of my 'Natalie' fans (who totally don't come here) this is the man that I (loosely) based Michael Ashby off of. He's a great guy and I always feel good after I see him, which is what I want for Natalie, so I've put her in that place. In the beginning I wanted to stick her, long term, with a bad therapist. But I thought that would just be too unfair. I put myself in her place and in that situation and I practically lose my faith in humanity. And that would go too far against what I want the moral themes in 'Natalie' to be.

I know I haven't updated much, and I apologize for that. I haven't been in much of a writing mood and I just moved back into college last weekend. But I plan to get back on track today, scheduling a little of my time to write each day, setting an hour aside. That's my hope.

Quite honestly, I don't have much to say. Not much has happened lately. I just wanted to give a quick update for anyone who actually reads this, which is probably nobody.

That's all folks!
Lizzie Arlen

Wrapping up, but not really...

I keep saying that I'm going to finish Natalie so soon. Two more chapters, I promise myself. Two then becomes five and then five becomes indefinite. I'm completely anxious to finish so that I can begin revisions of Natalie and start on my next project, which I'm gonna talk a little bit about now.

The first chapter of 'Voices in my Head' is up on fictionpress now. It's a story that is incredibly important to me. I wrote it when I was going through a lot of problems in my life during my Sophomore year of high school. At first it was just sort of a lame idea I had about a crazy chick. I wrote a tentative first chapter as an experiment (and this is handwritten I should say) and in two days I had finished twenty pages. The story finished at 42 pages. It wasn't the longest story I'd written, in fact it was one of the shortest. But it was the best. It was the first piece of prose I'd written that showed any kind of growth in me as a writer.

I've been writing for as long as I can remember. From joint stories with my best friend about the thrilling adventures of Box and Triangle, to fanfiction, to crossover fanfiction to real live fiction. 'Voices in my Head' was my third novel and my best. Therefore I frequently dub it my first baby. (Terribly, I tend to call all my fanfiction stories and even my first piece of true fiction my miscarriages; the babies that just weren't strong enough. Like I said, terrible.)

The story is about a girl named Pamela. She originally had my name (I'm incredibly uncreative with names; most of my protagonists originally share my name with me) but I felt it was inappropriate considering some of the situations I wanted to put her in if I ever wanted anyone I knew to read it. If that makes any sense at all. I got the idea from a book I first picked up in seventh grade by Melenie Rawn (one of my two favorite authors EVER) and after I finished writing my story, I went on to write a companion to it and I'm in the process of writing two more companions to it.

See, the way I wrote it, I left it open for 28 companions to be written, which was my original plan. And I had this great idea that they could be read in any order; that it wouldn't really matter, but if you read them all, you'd get the depth of the whole situation. I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing all 28 companions. The 28 companions actually exclude the one I've finished and the two in progress for reasons that if I ever get around to that project, you'll understand. But if I ever get around to doing any other project besides Natalie, 'Voices in my Head' is first up.

Here's a sort of breakdown of my project plan:
1. 'Natalie' --Natalie is the younger of my two babies ('Voices' is more like a toddler now) so she gets all my developmental attention.
2. 'Voices'--This should be seriously easier than Natalie, because it's completely written, it just needs a lot of revisions.
3. 'Razor Freak' -- This is something I've talked about before in my blogs, hopefully I haven't teased you too much about it. It's going to a project close to my heart because in many ways it's about me and yet not about me. If that makes sense at all.
4. My suicide attempt. --Yeah, I know. So depressing all the time, Lizzie. What is wrong with you? Yeah yeah. I've been wanting to write about my own attempt for quite some time but I want to be able to spend all of my writing time and energy on it. No sense in a half-assed attempt. And, for those wondering, didn't you write that story already? No. I believe it says so, but the 'Suicide Attempt' on fictionpress is not mine. It is entirely fictional. The method is completely different.
5. Nothing specific.--What does that mean? This means I don't have any plans after all that. I will probably find some other big project to work on or I'll brush up a bunch of my short stories (Seriously, I have over 100 notebooks in my room brimming with crappy short stories. They need to be revised and entered.
6. Layla. --Yeah, I thought of my project after that. And it's Layla. Don't ask don't tell. That's my teaser. Just Layla. It's seriously old; I wrote it the same year as 'Voices,' though it came out significantly shorter. It also has a sequel in the making.

Well, maybe someday I'll actually get around to all this stuff. I'd like to say that that's the plan for the next semester of school. But honestly, I just don't know how long 'Natalie' is going to take me and I won't be the ten projects girl. Not this time. 'Natalie' is too damned important to me to let anything else distract me. I will not be tempted.

That's it for today. I've got a story to work on, no? A story to work on. Getting the feeling back in my feet and legs. If you've made it this far and you still actually care...Man, go get a life. Go listen to some Sunset Rubdown while staring at the blue sky lying under a tree and contemplate life as we know it. Go. It's fun, really!

Lizzie Arlen