So, homecoming was awesome. No details needed.
This week is going to be a little hard for me, because I don't have therapy this week, my guy is booked solid. But I have the next three weeks after that scheduled and that gives me some hope! I don't completely know how I'll make it, but I'm trying to stay optimistic.
Plus, he's asked me to think about pills. As in anti-depressants. I find this somewhat ironic that as I'm writing about this girl's battle with anxiety medication addiction and I'm being asked to think about going on pills myself. I actually just put that together and I'm totally smiling at how strange that is.
One of my pastors and I have been fighting off and on for a week about whether or not I'm going to hell for my self-injurious habits. And my mother is so un-supportive its not even funny. I understand where she's coming from in that I'm her only daughter and I will always be her only daughter and it kills her inside to see me hurt myself. But its hard for me to make it through life without doing that right now, which she can't understand. I haven't told her I'm back in therapy, because for some reason, that freaks her out. Like some sort of confirmation that I'm crazy. Whatever.
In happy news...I have over 1,000 hits on 'Natalie'! 1,000! That is just such an incredible number, my heart just soars, as cliche as that is! In celebration, I'm putting up one chapter of 'Razor Freak,' the project I've been working on for a long time that I haven't shared with anyone yet. I doubt it will be at all popular, let alone as popular as 'Natalie,' but I'm hoping, just maybe, some of 'Natalie's' fans will see I've uploaded something new and take a look at it. I'm really excited about putting some of it up. It's much closer to being my story (and still, none of it actually happened to me) because I use my direct experiences with self-injury and the feelings I have to mold the imagery. It's really hard for me to do because I find remembering it and writing it mildly triggering and I've promised myself not to cut on a trigger that my writing has caused. It's weird, but its me.
I'm doing some beta reading on my other account that has all the stories I'm embarrassed about, but its my past and I didn't want to just take them down. Its a great story about the quest for the Holy Grail and as soon as I'm finished with this blog, I'm going to finish up chapters 9 and 10.
School is rough. Homework is easy, but the classes are killing me with the amount of easy homework; its just taking too damn long! And because of this I keep having to put my writing off.
I am however excited; my boys are coming over on Thursday to see me and hang for a few hours. I don't have a fucking clue what we'll do, but it oughta be fun!
That's all I really have time for! Hopefully next time, I'll have more of 'Natalie' worked out and I can talk about that and 'Razor Freak' and something. I don't know.
Lizzie Arlen
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
So, I'm going to homecoming tonight. It's a very interesting situation for me. Let me explain. My best friend, Daniel is going with my roommate, Ashley (And Dani is gay). My friend Julia is setting me up with her friend Chris (who I've never met or seen) and a bunch of my other friends are going. I'm getting more and more excited for this, being as its at the Tacoma Art Museum and all the exhibits are going to be open! I love art, I love paintings! So I'm super excited and I'm hoping that Chris is a nice guy and will go see all the art with me. I really don't want to ditch him because he's a jackass or a douche, so I'm hoping it goes well.
I'm going all out, doing my hair and my make up (more than I usually do) and I'm really trying to impress this guy. I doubt it would turn out to be anything, because I'm not really looking for a relationship with anyone other than this one guy I like. I sort of have my sights set on this guy and I don't want to be in a relationship in case he ever gets up the nerve to ask me out.
In other news, 'Natalie' is coming along well, I think. I'm finally getting back on track and I'm able to write her again, which is great! I've been having sporadic bouts of Writer's Block which is highly annoying. But I think this week I'll be really using 'Natalie' to outlet some of my stress, because I don't have therapy this week, I have to wait a week, which is going to be really hard for me, I live my weeks for therapy. But I have the next three weeks after that scheduled so I don't get messed up with that again.
I feel that I'm starting to open up in session and I'm starting to put some trust in my guy. It's very hard for me to share and to hear some of the things he tells me, but I know that it's helping me learn and grow and that's very important for me right now. So I'm feeling much better about life!
The encouragement I'm getting on my writing on fictionpress and from friends is really helping my confidence. I'm hoping to get 'Natalie' finished at the latest by early February; and that's just my first draft. Then I'll be doing a quick full edit and sending that out to several friends. I want to get a lot of different opinions on this because I hope I might publish it someday. So, I'm thinking I'll send it to my best friend Schyuler, my best friend Dani, Barry, Melissa (if she'll read my depressing story), and others. I'm very interested in how very different people will percieve this story and they changes they would like to see made. so, I'm very excited for that.
Then my work for 'Voices' begins. I want to rework the first chapter (even though that is very reworked from the original). I think it'll be much longer than 'Natalie' and may have companion books. The way I'd originally thought to do it was to have the original and then having, literally, 30 plus companion books and do a huge series. Except I don't think they'd be that popular; its the kind of thing only a handful of people would be interested in. And really, I do background stories, because I find that kind of stuff really interesting. Not that anyone else cares. But I have some great ideas for 'Voices' and I'm totally stoked to work on it again. It was my first true novel. I wrote it in my sophomore year of highschool; twenty handwritten pages in about two days. There are a lot of things I have to fix and change just because I wrote it so long ago.
So, it's about 5:00pm and Dani should be getting here any moment, I'm really excited for him to get here so we can have someone totally awesome to talk to while we get ready. Ashely's already halfway there, she's got her make up on (for that matter, so do I, though I need to touch it up).
Got to go!
Lizzie Arlen
I'm going all out, doing my hair and my make up (more than I usually do) and I'm really trying to impress this guy. I doubt it would turn out to be anything, because I'm not really looking for a relationship with anyone other than this one guy I like. I sort of have my sights set on this guy and I don't want to be in a relationship in case he ever gets up the nerve to ask me out.
In other news, 'Natalie' is coming along well, I think. I'm finally getting back on track and I'm able to write her again, which is great! I've been having sporadic bouts of Writer's Block which is highly annoying. But I think this week I'll be really using 'Natalie' to outlet some of my stress, because I don't have therapy this week, I have to wait a week, which is going to be really hard for me, I live my weeks for therapy. But I have the next three weeks after that scheduled so I don't get messed up with that again.
I feel that I'm starting to open up in session and I'm starting to put some trust in my guy. It's very hard for me to share and to hear some of the things he tells me, but I know that it's helping me learn and grow and that's very important for me right now. So I'm feeling much better about life!
The encouragement I'm getting on my writing on fictionpress and from friends is really helping my confidence. I'm hoping to get 'Natalie' finished at the latest by early February; and that's just my first draft. Then I'll be doing a quick full edit and sending that out to several friends. I want to get a lot of different opinions on this because I hope I might publish it someday. So, I'm thinking I'll send it to my best friend Schyuler, my best friend Dani, Barry, Melissa (if she'll read my depressing story), and others. I'm very interested in how very different people will percieve this story and they changes they would like to see made. so, I'm very excited for that.
Then my work for 'Voices' begins. I want to rework the first chapter (even though that is very reworked from the original). I think it'll be much longer than 'Natalie' and may have companion books. The way I'd originally thought to do it was to have the original and then having, literally, 30 plus companion books and do a huge series. Except I don't think they'd be that popular; its the kind of thing only a handful of people would be interested in. And really, I do background stories, because I find that kind of stuff really interesting. Not that anyone else cares. But I have some great ideas for 'Voices' and I'm totally stoked to work on it again. It was my first true novel. I wrote it in my sophomore year of highschool; twenty handwritten pages in about two days. There are a lot of things I have to fix and change just because I wrote it so long ago.
So, it's about 5:00pm and Dani should be getting here any moment, I'm really excited for him to get here so we can have someone totally awesome to talk to while we get ready. Ashely's already halfway there, she's got her make up on (for that matter, so do I, though I need to touch it up).
Got to go!
Lizzie Arlen
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