So, homecoming was awesome. No details needed.
This week is going to be a little hard for me, because I don't have therapy this week, my guy is booked solid. But I have the next three weeks after that scheduled and that gives me some hope! I don't completely know how I'll make it, but I'm trying to stay optimistic.
Plus, he's asked me to think about pills. As in anti-depressants. I find this somewhat ironic that as I'm writing about this girl's battle with anxiety medication addiction and I'm being asked to think about going on pills myself. I actually just put that together and I'm totally smiling at how strange that is.
One of my pastors and I have been fighting off and on for a week about whether or not I'm going to hell for my self-injurious habits. And my mother is so un-supportive its not even funny. I understand where she's coming from in that I'm her only daughter and I will always be her only daughter and it kills her inside to see me hurt myself. But its hard for me to make it through life without doing that right now, which she can't understand. I haven't told her I'm back in therapy, because for some reason, that freaks her out. Like some sort of confirmation that I'm crazy. Whatever.
In happy news...I have over 1,000 hits on 'Natalie'! 1,000! That is just such an incredible number, my heart just soars, as cliche as that is! In celebration, I'm putting up one chapter of 'Razor Freak,' the project I've been working on for a long time that I haven't shared with anyone yet. I doubt it will be at all popular, let alone as popular as 'Natalie,' but I'm hoping, just maybe, some of 'Natalie's' fans will see I've uploaded something new and take a look at it. I'm really excited about putting some of it up. It's much closer to being my story (and still, none of it actually happened to me) because I use my direct experiences with self-injury and the feelings I have to mold the imagery. It's really hard for me to do because I find remembering it and writing it mildly triggering and I've promised myself not to cut on a trigger that my writing has caused. It's weird, but its me.
I'm doing some beta reading on my other account that has all the stories I'm embarrassed about, but its my past and I didn't want to just take them down. Its a great story about the quest for the Holy Grail and as soon as I'm finished with this blog, I'm going to finish up chapters 9 and 10.
School is rough. Homework is easy, but the classes are killing me with the amount of easy homework; its just taking too damn long! And because of this I keep having to put my writing off.
I am however excited; my boys are coming over on Thursday to see me and hang for a few hours. I don't have a fucking clue what we'll do, but it oughta be fun!
That's all I really have time for! Hopefully next time, I'll have more of 'Natalie' worked out and I can talk about that and 'Razor Freak' and something. I don't know.
Lizzie Arlen
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