At Home, But Away From Home

Hello. Well, I managed to pick up a neighboring wireless connection in my house, so here I am. It is so nice to be on the internet in my home. My mother needs to realize that really, she is no longer part of the stone age and get some internet! It drives me crazy not to be able to check my email or anything. And yes, I can live without it, and I have, in fact lived without it. But now that I'm in college I keep getting emails like, "Extra Assignment" or "Lab Due Tuesday" or "Syllabus Update" and I'm really tired of getting them on Sunday night.
But now, I don't have to worry about that. Right now, it is Christmas break and for once we have a white Christmas. I hate it. Usually I love the snow, don't get me wrong, but this year we got so much of it that I've had to push the car out of the drive way three times so my mom could go to work or get to the grocery store. Plus. With all this snow, it is going to be hell on earth getting to my grandparent's house for Christmas. Which would be the first time...since I was in the womb...that I missed it. Its bad enough that I won't see my uncle Wayne and Aunt Joan at Christmas. But just my mother and I? Can you say incredibly boring and depressing. Not that we don't love each other and get along really well, but, not being there would make me so sad. I'm praying that the snow clears up so we can leave tomorrow as planned. My hopes aren't up. I've found that when you don't get high hopes, its harder to be disappointed. Sounds sad, doesn't it?
So, here's the most current update on my final grades.
Eartraining 1 -- B-
Private Voice -- A-
Writ 101 -- A-

So far so good, right? Well at least those grades might make up for the awful one I'm sure to get in Chemistry. I'm so glad that almost every class I'm taking next semester is going to be with Angela and Michelle, because I know that they'll keep me on track if nothing else. Thank God. I'm not looking forward to Intro to Psych. Or PE for that matter. I just--you know, I like to learn, but I hate the process of school, I really do. It seriously sucks. Tests and homework aren't always a good measurement of what you've learned from a course. But that's how life is, isn't it?
Well, I'm tired, so I'm going to go back to doing absolutely nothing! Mostly, I'm role-playing with a friend, messing around on Gaia and downloading randomness from youtube. Aren't I amazing.
Well, I'll talk to again soon, I imagine

Lizzie

The End of Finals, The Beginning of Rest

Oh, it is nice to be done. I'm going home tonight, in fact, so you won't hear from me for a little bit, I don't expect. I'm listening to Company and downloading the entire season (or as much as I can until my mom gets here) of Marmalade Boy, unfortunately, in English. Blah. It has been snowing all day long. Literally. All day long. Since I got up this morning around 10-ish and it's still going a little. I can't remember the last time it snowed this much...maybe two years ago. But even that didn't last too long. I'll have to be careful watching the pass or I won't be able to get over to my grandparents. I'm so tired.
Plus. I keep thinking about Ben. And I don't really know how I feel or if I should tell him how I feel. Haha. My first instinct was to write him a letter over Christmas Break and tell him how I feel, but do it with a bunch of people so that it wouldn't be obvious or awkward. I do like him. But I don't know if it's just as a friend or if I'm romanticizing him because I really want a boyfriend. He's such a sweetheart. And humble, and considerate. He's just...Ben. I know what Danny would say if I told him I liked Ben. It would go something like this: "Haha! Seriously!? HAHAHA!" And I'd be sitting there. "Thanks Danny." I don't know what I should do. I guess I'll mull it over during Christmas break. The last thing I want to do is tell him I like him and then find out later that I don't like him as much as I should. Or maybe I'm afraid of rejection. Or maybe I'm just stupid. Stay tuned.
So. I am in love with Jill Solbule. The musician. She's amazing and funny and I love her voice. Thank you Julia Sweeney for doing the Jill and Julia show so I could get into her. I really like her stuff. Plus, I love that she's not that mainstream. She's so cool. I heart her music.
Wow. I'm just out of things to say today. You'll probably hear from me again sometime after the 23rd. I'm gonna try not to get on the computer right away once I get to my grandparents. Maybe after they go to bed, I will, but, I'm trying not to do that this year.
Well. Until then, stay warm and dry. Merry Christmas. Have a good time without me. Happy New Year. I'm getting ready to go.
Lizzie Arlen

Cram Time

Well, it's Christmas time, the season of giving. So I have my fundies final this morning, and it went ok. I had my Eartraining individual appointment, which I got a 76 % on (yikes!) however, I got a 90 on the final, so I should be okay. On the downside, even though I remembered to write my paper, I didn't print it and turn it in today, so I'm going to do that tomorrow morning. Angela said that she'd let me use her printing credits, since she never uses them anyway.
This is the last fun thing I get to do before I break down and actually study. I have not studied at all for my Chem final and our Professor told us it would take 10 hours to study for. Now...technically I do have that kind of time if I don't sleep, but I don't think I can skip that, though I can try...Yikes. Nope. I'll study all that I can. Then on top of that, I think people are having sex above my room and I think the girl next door to me is playing African tribal music. I really don't know, there's just a lot of drum pounding, I can only guess. Mmmhmm. Yes, sounds like sex, definitely. It's going to be an interesting night.
So. I was eating lunch with Angela, Julia, Kevin, Melissa, Michelle and Ashley (wow, I have friends, how strange). And Julia says, "Who wants to go Christmas shopping with me?" Well, Angela said she was going and I'm like, "Anything to get me out of studying." So I went with her, Michelle, Melissa and Angela to the Tacoma mall. Now, I really only have 15 bucks, so I have no idea what to get anyone with that. And then these people that I don't really know that well start asking me what I want. And I wasn't exactly planning on getting them more than a mug and some candy, which would be fine, I'm told. But now, I'm going to try and buy some nicer-ish gifts. Nothing too expensive, but something that they would like. Note to self: Melissa doesn't like chocolate, Angela is taken care of, and Michelle would like some Abba something or other. She told me this Italian CD group-thingamagig, but I really don't remember the name. I try so hard.
But I'm really happy because Michelle got me the twisty crayons (Hello Kitty twisty crayons) and a Froggy (from Hello Kitty, no I don't know his name...) note-paddy thing. I love Oki-Doki. Best. Place. Ever.
So now, I am off to my doom. I'm going to study my midterms, do my practice problems, take a twenty minute break after every hour (full hour). Blah! I hate finals. Next semester, I definitely need to be more prepared. Plus, I can't really stop thinking about Ben. Michelle thinks I should just go up to him and ask him out, but I'm too shy for that. I'm not a brave girl and I don't even know if he likes me or not. I like him. Sigh. Weird. I never thought I'd say I would like Ben so much, but you never know. Maybe I'm just insane. (You could be right, I may be crazy, But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for, turn out the lights....Sorry. Billy Joel music freak.)
Ok. This may be the last you hear of a sane Lizzie. The Lizzie that lived before her mother shot her for not getting a job and failing Chemistry. It was nice knowing you. I'll write if I survive.
Doomed for sure,
Lizzie Arlen

The Day Before My Finals

So, let me tell you about all the work that I have done today. Around ten, I got up. Then I checked my email, and watched a little Marmalade Boy (an anime) before talking to my friend, and future roommate, Angela, on yahoo messenger. Then we met on zOMG and did a quest together, which was terrifying and fun at the same time. We ate lunch with Michelle, what's-his-name, Melissa, and Julia. Most of them had finals at one so I came back and wrote my b.s. paper for Prison Writings. I proceeded to goof off for the rest of the day.
So...Am I prepared for my Fundies test tomorrow, or my ear training appointment right after it? Well, not as well as I could be, but who cares, right? I am the ultimate blow off girl. So, tomorrow, I will be studying my ass off for the chem final that I should have studied for over the entire weekend, but didn't and now I'm probably screwed completely in that class.
What's my new year's resolution? Commit to the extremely expensive college classes you're paying for. And I already told Angie she could hold me to that. She has plans to throw pillows. But, I figured before I delved in completely to the studying aspect of life, I would write a blog about how completely screwed I'm about to be in pretty much all of my classes.
Fundies--probable A
Chem-- a C at best
Keyboarding--A
Eartraining--C at best
Prison Writing --completely reliable A. go English classes, I kick their asses.

So, I'll tell you, the world that doesn't read this blog, how it goes and how the academic life of Lizzie Arlen fails. As usual. I really thought after High School that I'd be able to get over this crap-life my grades have. Plus I have to get up early tomorrow, so I'm not writing too much more. I'm very tired. I watched two movies tonight, and they were both good. The first one made me sob, the second one didn't, which is kind of odd, being as I cry. A lot. It's in my nature. A friend of mine once theorized that because I'm an introvert and I internalize my feelings instead of talking about them, that I cry during movies because it's a safe outlet. Yeah. My friends psychoanalyse me all the time. Isn't it great? I actually find it kind of interesting. Well, like I said, I'm tired and I still have studying to do tonight, so I'm going to end this here and I'll most likely talk to you on Wednesday night or Thursday morning and I'll tell you how every thing went.
This is Lizzie Arlen, feeling completely doomed.
Lizzie

My Day--Hello Blogger

So, I have to get up super early for church in the morning, because a year ago I stupidly agreed to play in bell choir. So I have to be at church at 7:30 in the morning, pick up our "friend" Sara (my mother likes her, I just find her increasingly frustrating) and my friend and new college roommate Angela from PLU. I should have just stayed at college over the weekend, but who cares. And of course, because I'm in a hurry, it decides to snow in the area. Not a lot, or anything, but enough to annoy me and make me late for practice.
By the way, I live in the North West Area of WA, so we don't really get much snow, but when we do everyone freaks out. Seriously. It's kind of fun to watch because you will be watching the news and the anchors are all excited as well and saying things like, "We have a snow sighting in Seattle! Look at those flakes go!" and "We have flake-age here in Bellevue." These people act like they've never seen snow ever in their lives which is a LIE! Another fun fact about the area; a freaking centimeter of snow here can get school delayed for 2 hours and can even get it canceled. Which can be great, or it can just royally screw up every one's life. (Yeah, now that I'm in college, I no longer find the aspect of snow as exciting and visceral as I used to. Because what good would it do me?)
Anyway. I finally get back to college after the hour's ride (usually takes fifteen minutes). And I have to check my finals schedule because my mom wants to know when I'm coming home so I can clean (because my friends can't come over if the house smells bad! And you need to clean your room, Lizzy, at college too!). This is the only downside to having my mother so close. I love her. I do. She is only a little insane, and mostly in good ways. But I really thought that once I moved out of the apartment and into a dorm that I wouldn't have to be nagged about cleaning or straightening my hair (but Lizzy, it looks so nice curly...AAARRGG!). But no. I see her twice a week or more for church and other crap. Anyway. I have to check my finals schedule because my mom wants to get us tickets for Revels, which I love but am struggling to figure out how we can possibly fit it in this year, because the only day left open to us is Wednesday night, which is church night, the night when I totally wind down and see my friends and the guy that I like, Ben. And I really don't like skipping church. I'm strange. I want to go every week if I can. I hate missing. It makes me feel like I'm missing out on something incredibly fun. which isn't really that true. So. Who knows what's going on this Wednesday.
Now for my bad news. 'Cause this year wasn't great enough already what with the money problems, my absolute lack of a work study job, my lapse into my bad habit of cutting (I've stopped for over a month. Whoo hoo!), my grandpa getting ill and my roommate problems. On top of all that (because that wasn't enough crap!) my Uncle Wayne has cancer. My grandpa couldn't remember what kind (of course not) but he thinks it was liver cancer. And I guess that they are going to the doctor soon to review treatment options, but the doctor has been pretty frank about the fact that it does not look good at all. Shit. Ahh! This is just one more thing that I really didn't need at this point. And what pisses me off even more, is that no one felt the need to pick up the phone and call us. This is the thing in my family that I absolutely hate the most. God forbid if grandpa gets pneumonia or grandma falls down the stairs and breaks her hip--God forbid we should actually pick up the phone and tell the people we love about it! I am so tired of this. And my grandfather would say, "Well, what can you do if I tell you? You're just going to worry." Well, yeah, I suppose that's true, but I can also pray and ask other people to pray. One of my biggest fears is that one of my relatives will go into the hospital and say "Oh, don't call Lizzy and Beth, you don't want to worry them," and then the next day they die and I don't get a chance to say 'good bye' to them. Oh, I hate this year. Please God, let 2009 be a better year.
I do have something to say that I haven't gotten up the courage to tell any of my close friends. I looked up my father the other day. I don't even know what I was looking for, because I have no intention of ever contacting him and saying, "Hey, you remember that little blond girl you abandoned when she was three? That's me!" I found his address and phone number. I was kind of hoping I would find a picture of him. When I was younger I had this fear that I would grow up and look more like him than my mother and that because of it she wouldn't love me anymore, which I realize is completely ridiculous, but hey, little kid logic, right?
Hmm. I can't wait to move in with Angela. I wish I could do it sooner. It'll be nice to be with someone to level me out. When I'm all by myself, I goof off more and I get more depressed. And I'm tired of being depressed. I just want to be happy.
Well. This is certainly enough for today.

Lizzy Arlen