By the way, I live in the North West Area of WA, so we don't really get much snow, but when we do everyone freaks out. Seriously. It's kind of fun to watch because you will be watching the news and the anchors are all excited as well and saying things like, "We have a snow sighting in Seattle! Look at those flakes go!" and "We have flake-age here in Bellevue." These people act like they've never seen snow ever in their lives which is a LIE! Another fun fact about the area; a freaking centimeter of snow here can get school delayed for 2 hours and can even get it canceled. Which can be great, or it can just royally screw up every one's life. (Yeah, now that I'm in college, I no longer find the aspect of snow as exciting and visceral as I used to. Because what good would it do me?)
Anyway. I finally get back to college after the hour's ride (usually takes fifteen minutes). And I have to check my finals schedule because my mom wants to know when I'm coming home so I can clean (because my friends can't come over if the house smells bad! And you need to clean your room, Lizzy, at college too!). This is the only downside to having my mother so close. I love her. I do. She is only a little insane, and mostly in good ways. But I really thought that once I moved out of the apartment and into a dorm that I wouldn't have to be nagged about cleaning or straightening my hair (but Lizzy, it looks so nice curly...AAARRGG!). But no. I see her twice a week or more for church and other crap. Anyway. I have to check my finals schedule because my mom wants to get us tickets for Revels, which I love but am struggling to figure out how we can possibly fit it in this year, because the only day left open to us is Wednesday night, which is church night, the night when I totally wind down and see my friends and the guy that I like, Ben. And I really don't like skipping church. I'm strange. I want to go every week if I can. I hate missing. It makes me feel like I'm missing out on something incredibly fun. which isn't really that true. So. Who knows what's going on this Wednesday.
Now for my bad news. 'Cause this year wasn't great enough already what with the money problems, my absolute lack of a work study job, my lapse into my bad habit of cutting (I've stopped for over a month. Whoo hoo!), my grandpa getting ill and my roommate problems. On top of all that (because that wasn't enough crap!) my Uncle Wayne has cancer. My grandpa couldn't remember what kind (of course not) but he thinks it was liver cancer. And I guess that they are going to the doctor soon to review treatment options, but the doctor has been pretty frank about the fact that it does not look good at all. Shit. Ahh! This is just one more thing that I really didn't need at this point. And what pisses me off even more, is that no one felt the need to pick up the phone and call us. This is the thing in my family that I absolutely hate the most. God forbid if grandpa gets pneumonia or grandma falls down the stairs and breaks her hip--God forbid we should actually pick up the phone and tell the people we love about it! I am so tired of this. And my grandfather would say, "Well, what can you do if I tell you? You're just going to worry." Well, yeah, I suppose that's true, but I can also pray and ask other people to pray. One of my biggest fears is that one of my relatives will go into the hospital and say "Oh, don't call Lizzy and Beth, you don't want to worry them," and then the next day they die and I don't get a chance to say 'good bye' to them. Oh, I hate this year. Please God, let 2009 be a better year.
I do have something to say that I haven't gotten up the courage to tell any of my close friends. I looked up my father the other day. I don't even know what I was looking for, because I have no intention of ever contacting him and saying, "Hey, you remember that little blond girl you abandoned when she was three? That's me!" I found his address and phone number. I was kind of hoping I would find a picture of him. When I was younger I had this fear that I would grow up and look more like him than my mother and that because of it she wouldn't love me anymore, which I realize is completely ridiculous, but hey, little kid logic, right?
Hmm. I can't wait to move in with Angela. I wish I could do it sooner. It'll be nice to be with someone to level me out. When I'm all by myself, I goof off more and I get more depressed. And I'm tired of being depressed. I just want to be happy.
Well. This is certainly enough for today.
Lizzy Arlen
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