So, my terrible, scary business class is done tomorrow! That's right, tomorrow I am free for 5 beautiful days. I'm so tired. Last night after I got back from church, I totally crashed in my roommate's chair. I barely made it up to my bed to go to sleep and once I did, I was out like that.
I had a pretty good night last night. Mike drove me home last night, and it's always fun to talk to Mike. He and Lisa are separated and have been since August and it completely weirds me out that I didn't know. He also asked me about my father, wanted to know if I'd had any contact with him and I said 'no.' Although, I did tell him that I looked my father up after I had a dream about him. I think he may be the only person I told about that. I can't remember if I told anyone else or not. It was actually a good dream with my father in it.
Oh, I'm so jealous. Every one of my friends has more family than me. Angela just hung up on her sister, Michelle's fighting with her dad. I'm very jealous. And I can understand why Angela did what she did and I know she loves her sister and I know Michelle's dad is being a jackass. But still...I feel like no one appreciates what they have. People complain about their fathers or siblings and I just sit there thinking, "Do you know how lucky you are that you have a father to fight with? That you have a father who loves you no matter what?" I don't have that and I never will and that's okay, but it bugs me when people don't appreciate what they've got.
Sigh. Anyway. I'm trying not to linger on that.
Plus I scratched my arm a ton yesterday at church. I liked it a lot too. When I cut (once on my leg, sorry Amy) the other night, it was very...bland. I didn't enjoy it at all and I got no satisfaction out of it. Which, I suppose, is probably best. I'm trying to write more in order to get rid of all that inside, internalized crap. It isn't working very well for me. I have writer's block up to my...I don't know...something very high. I have no creativity in my heart right now. My soul is black right now. But I don't want to let the world know right now. I'm too tired to share my life.
Lizzie Arlen
Dear Lizzie,
ReplyDeleteI was searching for another site online and stumbled upon your blog. I'm a college student as well so I understand some of the stress it can bring. Don't let it get you down. It must be hard to feel this way, but the worst thing you can do is hold all these feelings inside. Something that's helped me out in the past when I'm in a rough spot is to talk to my friends or my family. That's what they're there for. I bet they all love you very much and would be glad to help you through this time in your life.